Dear Brokers:

I know we don't always get along. Sometimes it's because you've forgotten some form that I need to do my job and I have to ask you for it (over and over). Maybe it's because we won't add caterers to someone's policy or we don't endorse certain forms and the County needs the endorsement yesterday. Or maybe it's because I can't help you pay your bills over the phone and you really need to, I mean really need to or else the location of the fundraiser will implode and then where will the nonprofit get their money ohgodwhywon'tanyonethinkofthenonprofit!!!!

I think you get the idea.

Anyhow, I actually liked it last year when you sent us gift baskets full of Hickory Farms, crates of pineapples from Hawaii, hand-made beef jerky, etc. over the holidays. It felt like you were saying "Sorry I've been such a demanding pain in the ass all year, please forgive me"; it was nice. But this year? It's been sliiiiiiiiiiiim pickings in my department and this bums me out. I know we're in a huge recession. I know the CEO of my company sent you all a letter asking that you donate the money you would have spent shipping us 20lbs of Sees chocolates to the nonprofits we both work with.

Here's the thing. I know you guys didn't. I also know you've spent the last year being even more demanding and terrible than the last.

I want my pineapple.

I want my Mrs. Field's.

I want my smoked saussage.

VIVA LA SWAG! VIVA LA SWAG!

xx, me